if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
