Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize