This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
where are you?
Hypothermia
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
