you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
