are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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