We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
