i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
