2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
not ubering you a puppy
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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