I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
