she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
