batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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