mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
