3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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