Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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