Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Send help, water and tortillas.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
