I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
