i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
