You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
