Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
