we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
