my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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