I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
