OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We got so high we made milksteak
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
