was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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