PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
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