we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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