Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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