I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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