Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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