i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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