How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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