Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
