I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The struggles of a small town man whore
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
