I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize