Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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