shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
