so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize