He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
