Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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