Jerry, you need to find god
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize