Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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