Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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