thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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