You can't special order awesome
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
