I must be too annoying 4 u.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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