How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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