worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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