She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
