is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I have fence marks all over my body
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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