I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
