Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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