kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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