i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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