what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
