i just made my gag reflex go away.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
