I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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