I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize