Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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