oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
