dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
