I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
