I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Im part way to drunk.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
