I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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