soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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